Swine flu. Run for my life!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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