i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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