smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
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There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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