don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
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is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
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We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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