so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize