I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you traded sex for a burrito?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
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Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
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i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
there is puke in my bra ... again
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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