I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize