I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize