What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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