you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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