when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
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I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
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I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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