My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i love accidental penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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