Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize