apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize