then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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