I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
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I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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