he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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