Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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