My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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