My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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