sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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