just tell him i said nine months
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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