Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
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So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
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Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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