I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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