so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
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im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
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He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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