You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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