It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
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He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
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And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize