I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
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I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
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Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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