I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
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It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
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It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
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