i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize