If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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