I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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