Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
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You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
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he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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