No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize