Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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