RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i think i just lost a toe
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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