my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
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Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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