I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize