Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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