i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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