paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
A+ Viking dick
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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