Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
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I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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