He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
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I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
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Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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