her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
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He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
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It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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