i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize