I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize