My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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