when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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