im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
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protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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