...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
